I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
