That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
