I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
