just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
