We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
