So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
