we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
