His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Damn victory sex feels great
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