hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
