I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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