god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
