why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
