I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
