he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
