Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
