if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
