i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
