thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
