good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
