Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
