wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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