So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
