It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
