Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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