In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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