well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
