Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
