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Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
