you traded sex for a burrito?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
