Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The ass gains better be worth it
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