How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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