Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
