its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
