dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
