Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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