my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
