like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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