I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
tequila makes me forget i have legs
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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