Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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