Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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