she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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