Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
