I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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