kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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