So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
