Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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