dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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