I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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