Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
