woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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