Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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