When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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