I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she smelled like a LAN party
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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