youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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