im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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