Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
