is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
