My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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