You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
