Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
