just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
