You work out of a Hotel?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize