Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
