Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
