Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
